Do What I Have To
by EmeraldEuphoria
Summary: "I love her for all of her. I love her because she's beautiful. I love her because she's smart. I love her because she's funny. I love her because she gets shy sometimes around me and it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen and sometimes, she'd look down and blush and ask really quitely if she can kiss me and... I love her because she's her..."


**Disclaimer: Not mine. Sad But what can you do?**

**Also, I used two quotes from Quotes4uLove from Twitter so credit to them!**

**Warning: Did type this on my phone so... And I'm also posting this using my phone so... Yeah...**

**Setting: This is right after Brittany saw the Make No Mistake (She's Mine) performance/battle-off! And before the Brittana talk that happened before Girl On Fire!**

**Enjoy!**

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Brittany took a deep, shaky breath and dabbed at her tear stained cheeks. She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror and sighed. How did it come to this?

She was just walking out of school when she heard music coming from the auditorium, she wanted to see who it was; knowing the Glee club, if someone was singing alone, they needed help. She wasn't prepared to see Sam and Santana on that stage. She wasn't prepared to see Sam tell Santana to let her go. She wasn't prepared to see Santana's face crumble, nor was she prepared for the clearly uttered _"Never"_. She was, however, prepared for the pain that attacked her.

She didn't really feel like crying in an empty hallway, so she headed to the bathroom.

_She didn't know what to do. _

She loved Santana. No questions asked. She loved her the most. Santana was her favorite everything! She didn't wanna hurt her; which is why she didn't tell her about Sam.

_Oh, Sam... _Sure, Brittany loved him, but she wasn't in love with him. And she knew that if she didn't think it wasn't the right thing to do, and Santana asked her to be hers again... She wouldn't even have to think about it. But it wasn't right; Santana's too attached to her. Brittany didn't want Santana resenting her in the future for holding her back, although she knew Santana never would, but Brittany would hate herself for it. Santana was prepared to take on a job at McKinley, coaching the Cheerios, just for her...

_Oh god_, her heart was breaking. _What was she supposed to do?_ Santana wouldn't leave her again and being with Sam is only hurting her.

_She didn't know what to do._

A sob wrenched itself from her throat; she was really hurting.

Images of Santana and _Elaine_ flashed through her mind and she clutched at her chest; even though she knew it was all a ruse, seeing Santana kiss someone else was too much, which was why she'd turned away the second she saw their lips were about to touch; she just couldn't look at them, so she turned her gaze to the far right.

This was too much. She couldn't handle it. She slowly slid down the floor and brought her knees up to her chest. _She didn't know what to do._

"Oh, God..." she kept mumbling over and over.

She was so into her own head that she didn't hear the bathroom door open, nor did she hear the footsteps headed her way, but she did feel the hand on her back.

She was in too much pain to bother looking up.

A sigh, "Brittany..."

Brittany only sobbed harder; Sam was there. Sam was there and she didn't want him there, no matter how bad that sounded. She didn't want him there because she didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want him there because she wasn't ready to see him. She didn't want him there because he hurt Santana; he said those awful things to her and now she was hurt. But most importantly, she didn't want him there because he wasn't _Santana._

"Brittany, what's wrong?"

_Oh, god! Just leave me alone! _

He settled down next to her, and kept rubbing her back.

Brittany wanted to push him away, but she wasn't about to hurt him any more than needed; because it was needed for him to hurt. Someone always hurts. Well, in this case, they _all_ hurt.

It took her a few minutes to collect herself enough to look up, but when she did, she nearly started crying again; Sam was looking at her with the most worried look she'd ever seen and she didn't know what to do.

Actually, she did. She needed to make a list of things to do. She needed to categorise things in her head. She needed to slowly undo this mess. Starting off with Sam. She knew what she had to do.

"Sam..." her voice was hoarse, so she cleared her thoart and slowly got her words out, "Sam, we need to talk..."

His face fell. Brittany sighed; he knew what was coming and she felt bad for it.

"We - you know this isn't working," she was looking at him even though she desperately wanted to look away, but she owed him this at least; the decency to look him in the eye while she did this. "And I know it's my fault. But Sam, the truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart... and I never really got it back." she smiled sadly, chocking back a sob, "I can't do this to you, or me, or... or to _her_," she shrugged, "So, I'm breaking up with you."

She let out a deep breath and waited. Because she'd done her part, and now she could only sit and hope he didn't take it too bad. Oh, who was she kidding! Of course he took it badly! She just hoped he'd be smart enough to see how much she was hurting, and kind enough not to hurt her even more.

He chuckled, "I knew it," he didn't say it unkindly; more resigned, like he'd given up, "Yeah.. Can't say I didn't expect it." He shook his head and didn't say anything more.

The two stayed in silence for a while, each lost in thought.

Sam cleared his throat to get Brittany's attention. He licked his lips when she looked at him and spoke hesitantly, "I don't mean this in a mean way, I promise, but," Brittany was suddenly nervous to hear the rest, "But, um, why did... _do_ you love her so much?"

Brittany couldn't help the tears that escaped at his question, "Explaining my love for her to you is like trying to explain colors to a blind person... Impossible. Or at least very, very hard..."

He nodded, "Can you try? _Please?_ I need to be sure she's good for you."

She licked her dry lips and leaned her head back on the wall, closing her eyes before answering. "She never lies to me. Ever." she chuckled thinking of the Elaine mess, "Well, she was never any good at it when it came to me anyway. And she loved me even before being in love with me. We were, are best friends. She believes in me more than anyone else. She honest to god believes I'm smart and sometimes-" her voice broke and she swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, "Sometimes, I don't feel very smart, Sam... Sometimes I feel so stupid, but she's always there, telling me that I'm a genius and she never lies." she shook her head and stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"And she loves watching me dance; she'd lie on one of our beds and watch me dance around the room for hours and she wouldn't tell me to stop, she wouldn't get bored. She knows how important dancing is for me and I love her for that," she opened her wet eyes and stared at nothing, "I love her for all of her. I love her because she's beautiful. I love her because she's smart. I love her because she's funny. I love her because she gets shy sometimes around me and it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen and sometimes, she'd look down and blush and ask really quitely if she can kiss me and..." she sniffled, "I love her for her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her lips, her hands, her legs, her heart, her soul..." she breathed a laugh, "I love her for her flaws and for her amazing, _amazing_ self. I love her because she's _her_ and..." she turned her head to look at the blonde next to her, shrugging.

Sam sighed, knowing the she was finished, "I'm sorry I ever doubted your love."

Brittany shakily stood up, "I'm sorry I put you through this. I'm sorry I said yes to you when I knew it wouldn't be anything. I'm sorry."

He nodded, "Are you gonna tell her?"

"No," Brittany shook her head, "I'm not. She needs to go be the star I know she is, and she can't do that here..."

He frowned, "What are you gonna do?"

Sighing, she smiled sadly, "What I have to."

She gave him one last, tiny smile and left the bathroom. She had one more thing to do. But not today. No, she needed to go home and rest. But tomorrow, she is gonna tell Santana to go to New York, to live big. To be a star.

She is gonna say whatever she needs to in order to make sure the love of her life was happy, even if that meant not telling her that she was single or that she really wanted her back. Even if it meant lying about how much it hurt her to ask her to leave. Because if it meant they'd be happy in the long run, then it would be worth it.

Besides, there's only a few more months before Brittany would be graduating, and she was gonna follow her little star.

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**A/N: Okay. So... I have a mini rant so bear with me!**

**DIVA was... Good. I wouldn't call it the best episode of the show (maybe the season, since season four sucks... But I liked Naked better...)! I do have a few things I'd like to get out:**

**1- Are the writers on crack?**

**2- What the hell is up with Tina? Like, Blaine is GAY!**

**3- Definition of homosexual: (Of a person) Sexually attracted to people of one's own sex. Because, y'know, Tina seems to be a little uneducated on this.**

**4- I seriously hate Wade "Unique".**

**5- I'm so messed up that I'm starting to actually like Kitty.**

**6- Kitty's facial expressions are ME! It's like, just look at her face! During Diva, she was like "what the eff did I get myself into?!" **

**7- They are all incredibly OOC.**

**8- Elaine can go fuck herself. Ruse or not.**

**9- Brittany/Hemo was so precious! And so hurt the whole episode! Like when Santana and Elaine were closing in on that kiss, she immediatly looked away and my heart broke!**

**10- Santana and Sam's little talk before their song made me so angry! I was just wishing Santana would rip those lips right off his face!**

**11- I don't want to hear the word "Never" ever again. And my cousins and I all about died when Santana/Naya sang "She's Mine!". We died. Literally. I'm writing this from the grave. **

**12- I kinda really hope this happened! The fic I mean; that broke up but Britt didn't tell Santana!**

**13- The Brittana talk before Girl On Fire felt like a break up. which brings me to...**

**14- HOW MANY TIMES HAVE BRITTANA BROKEN UP IN 13 EPISODES? **

**15- Brittany and Santana were so hurting during the talk that I felt it! And they were both so lying! Each pretending to be fine. And Brittany being all "go! I'm with Sam! Find someone! Be happy!" But what Britt was really saying was "I know you can do this! And I know you're a star! But you can't be the star I know you are if you're here!" and I'm crying! Like right now. No lies. **

**16- They kissed! Best friends don't freakin' kiss! **

**17- Santana's look at the end, like... WHY? God! Just get back together! **

**18- I get the feeling that the writers want us to "read between the lines". Like with Tina and how she's being all weird because she misses Mike. Or with Brittana. Or with everything else. But, it shouldn't be our job to do this! They are the freakin' writers!**

**19- On a happier note, Nutbush City Limits and Girl On Fire were AMAZING! Naya is incredible!**

**20- Almost forgot... Finn and Emma kissed. Okay.**

**21- I just want my babies back together. **

**Okay. So, on a final note, I read a post on Tumblr saying that Brittana is the most mature and emotionally connected couple on the show. And that they actually, legit care for each other. I agree so I wanted to share with you!**

**Back to the fic...**

**All mistakes are mine. (makes me think of Make No Mistake She's Mine... *ugly sobbing*)**

**Review saying stuff...**

**Also, do you think a second chapter should be written?**

**Cheers. (though I don't feel cheerful...)**


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